If we grow a lettuce, but it doesn’t do so well, we don’t blame the lettuce. We look to see why it’s not doing so well – maybe we water it, or compost it, give it more or less light, shield it from pests. But whatever we do, we don’t blame the lettuce.
When we have friends, colleagues, or reports who don’t do so well, we tend to blame them. But if we know how to take care of them they will grow well too, just like the lettuce. Blaming does no good at all. Nor does trying to persuade using reason or argument.
No blame, no reasoning, no arguing. Just understanding.
If you can understand, and you can show that you understand, then the situation will change.